I continue to think about this subject. Unforgiveness is one of the major hindrances that can hinder your healing. Listen to what Jesus says in Mark 11:25-26. "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and [let it drop](leave it, let it go), in order that your Father who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings." Happy New Year 2011, I still think this an important message! A quote by Author: Tami Hoag 2007... What purpose does it serve to hold that anger? What good does it do? Hatred is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die of it."

An Opinion... Isn't it amazing that almost everyone has an opinion to offer about the bible (as well as other subjects), and yet so few have studied it (or the subject)? R. C. Sproul, If only one would read before speaking, they would not look so foolish. Yet, I don't want to get in anyone's face... so I keep dropping hints. Does it help? I hope so...)

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Reference to my next chemo week...

Chain of Heart sewing group ladies, good news!  Since my chemo had to be delayed a week, I will be doing chemo during this month's get together.  Tuesday will be a short day for me, so I may be able to be there about 1:00 p.m.  I am thinking that since there needs to be 28 days until the next chemo, this rescheduling may put me in Kennewick on the second week each time.  That would be fun to look forward to.

A little sewing fun...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Another biopsy... (it will be 02/03)

Yesterday, Wednesday, went to two doctor appointments.  On the way there, the fog was so thick you couldn't see three broken lines ahead for half the trip.  Yet,  people were passing and zipping along as if it was a clear day!  I couldn't help but think of the needless accidents and injuries that take place due to poor decision making.  Guess that was on my mind because I think of when my son, Washington State Trooper, responds to horrific accidents how stupidity can affect many (including the emergency responders).  These are choices, and yet some of us do not have a choice in how our life progresses.

Since I am still having a few symptoms of the bug I was sick with, my Oncologist decided that he would like another week before my chemo begins again.  Jokingly, the doctor said that he didn't want me to be idle during next week, so... a biopsy is being scheduled on the mass connected to my thyroid.  The right side of my throat has a large mass/nodule.  The doctor said that many times a thyroid test will come back inconclusive, so another biopsy is ordered.  Since I have had so many problems with biopsy results, he and the Endocrinologist are sending samples into a "trial" test project.  The normal tests will be completed, as well as the trial test.  This trial test was approved, free of charge.  The test, can't remember the name of it, has a higher rate of accuracy and results.  The developing company needs more data to submit, so I am happy to receive an offer for quicker/accurate results.

After my visit with the Oncologist and blood tests, went to see my primary doctor.  He saw me through this bug/hospital visit.  I asked him about my lack of memory, etc.  It still baffles me that I cannot remember so much.  He laughed and said that it was good I was feeling so much better,  I could be entertaining.  Hmmmmm...I also found that I had additional visitors that I cannot remember.  Dehydration has a new meaning for me.

Finally,  I have a report on my blood work.  Guess I just didn't know the right way, or the right person to ask.  Long story short, I have my last report and will get a copy each time.  Now, I have to research how to read this report.  I guess I am unique?  It's like nobody else asks for these, I don't believe that.  The report may be okay, or not be what I like, but the information is important to me. 

Thought for the day... A cheerful heart is good medicine... Proverbs 17:22

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Uh oh, I'm in trouble...

This morning I came out to say "good morning" and my brother-in-law said in jest, "you will be hearing from my attorney."  When I said in my prior post that this illness just seemed more like flu than chemo, I was right, as well as my doctor.  Allen is getting sick.  The combination of my just finishing chemo, having a low immune system and getting a bug was just too much for my system.  At least I don't have to panic about next month with chemo... I hope.  Allen's been away from chemo for a couple of months, hopefully that will be enough to keep him from getting as sick as I did. 

Today I am better, but still have a small fever.  I was really hoping that it was hot flashes, but nooooo.  I am diligent about keeping my fluids up now, it isn't fun being unstable due to dehydration.  Too many stories to pass around about me at the holiday dinner table!

Thought this was fun...
An element of the admission procedure in the hospital where Doctor Tim Westwood worked, was to ask the new patients if they suffered from any allergies.

If they did, Tim got it printed on a special 'allergy band' which was then placed on the patient's wrist as a reference for all other hospital employees.

On one particular occasion Tim asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies. The old dear responded by saying that she was unable to eat bananas.

Tim received a considerable surprise later in the day when a very irate son came out of the ward demanding, 'Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?'

Now, a message to my dear son... don't get any clever ideas of what you can do next hospital visit. (Ha ha)

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Time Flies...
The bad news is time flies...
The good news is you're the pilot.
---Michael Althsuler,

I can't believe that so much time has passed since I last posted.  Let me first say that while the above is true, I feel as if I have been a drunken pilot these past seven or more days. 

For the past week I been out of sorts.  The end result is that I lost (days) time!  After becoming confused, disoriented, weakness,  forgetting, and well just acting strange; plus being physically sick... my sister took me to the hospital and left me there!  Gloria's favorite phrase is "fix her and I will take her home."  It was all done in love, but I do remember a long time Gloria...  or I think I do.

Seriously, this month we thought was going to be a good one... no hives like last month, no problems.  Wrong.  I am  still not sure of what all went wrong.  One thing for sure was by having uncontrollable nausea and gastrointestinal issues my potassium level dropped too low.  (This is going to be a topic that I research and post on my other site.  In the meantime look at  )  Also, my WBC (white blood cells) were off, platlets low, glucose and blood presssure out of order. 

I still do not know if this latest set back was chemo induced, or a bug.  My oncologist ran tests and said it was not a chemo reaction.  That diagnosis was not backed up by  tests the hospital ran.  The ER could not locate anything virus or bacteria.  So???  It all seemed so "flu like" to be strictly a chemo reaction.  Also, there was no reaction like this post chemo last month.  The doctor said that to have this much problem now, I should have reacted last month too.

During this time of confusion, due to low potassium, my sister related she knew I was in trouble when:

On the trip to the hospital I sat in the back seat (odd as I don't like the back seat).  Even though it was dark outside, I located my nail clippers and proceeded to diligently work on... no not my  nails, rather dismanteling the clippers.  Why?  Your guess is as good as mine.  Then, even though Gloria was driving I wanted her to take them and fix them. 

I honestly don't remember most of the week, who I spoke to or what I said.  Which brings up another issue.  I won't say what I said when the doctor asked me a question, but evidentally everyone was suprised by my answer.  No...  no cussing, but it could have promoted a political discussion.  Ask anyone who knows me, I don't do political arguments these days.  I just cannot handle to negative energy.  So, that was a suprise to me. 

There is more, but you get the point.  I am taking Klor-Con M20 APA to help bring my potassium back up.  Still feeling queasy, so taking Zofran (ondansetron).  The doctor said that Lorazepam also helps with nausea/queasy systems.  The Prochlorper did not even phase the upset stomach, so stopped taking that.  Another update on my medicine log.  Seems like I only need to print one log each week as it changes so often.

The log I am referring to is a sheet I take with me everywhere.  This has all of my contact, insurance, doctor, health issues, surgeries and year, medicine and supplement information, etc.  It is so handy to just pull it out and hand it to admitting.  I also put the latest revision date. 

Well, I know that I am better.  I remember to keep coming back to the computer to finish this post.  Trust me, that wasn't happening. 

I am very  thankful to my sister, brother-in-law and children during this ordeal.  My son spent his night off work keeping me in line at the hospital. Both he and my daughter-in-law came to the hospital helping and encouraging me.   My daughter, all of her positive thoughts were felt as far as the 1,000 miles that separate us.  Space is not relevent where the heart is involved. 

I am going to be a few days catching up on posts, reading comments, answering facebook and emails. 

Thursday, January 13, 2011

It is early...

Plan ahead, don't forget the day...

Pizza and pop...

This is Thursday, yet all day I seem to think it is Tuesday.  I don’t want to begin this week again… 
Since the day is over, I (we) can laugh at it.  This week I have been anxious, thinking it was just part of the after chemo effects, I was just waiting it out.  Well, I really think that was part of it, but some of it was that I was without diet cola (my vice) for days as well as my sore tongue (thrush from chemo) stopping me from enjoying anything with flavor/taste.  Sounds nuts huh? 
Well, I mentioned to my sister that I wanted to get out of the house and go to Walmart.  In the back of my mind I was thinking while out, we can stop by the pizza parlor and get pizza and pop.  I didn’t mention this little bit of news to her though.  She seemed reluctant to me, and I think I became a bit anxious… nice for saying “if you don’t take me, I will drive myself even if my vision is blurry.”    While she dragged her heels this morning, dared to consider a nap about noon, oh boy… my nose flared.  A family trait when upset, it isn’t pretty.  She finally said, “you about ready to go?”  I didn’t even take the time to curl my hair, threw on clothes for the trip and was out the door and in the car before she got outside.  It’s a wonder I didn’t slip on the ice covering everything.
Did my shopping and went through the checkout before my normal time limit, as I noticed Gloria trying to call me to find out where I was at.  She and Allen came walking out the doors to find me sitting waiting for them.  Allen looked at me asking if I was sure I wanted to go out for pizza.  Guess I did look pretty droopy.  My answer was a resounding “yes I want pizza and pop!”  I have been watching my food intake so closely due to high glucose numbers.
We were waiting for the pizza to be prepared when I started in discussing how much time it was taking.  I am so glad that I only discussed this with my family.  It actually didn’t take that much time, but I was hungry.  No, I wanted to “taste” something.  I didn’t know that I was doing all of this, but after my first piece of pizza and glass of pop Gloria and Allen started laughing at me.  They said that my whole demeanor changed, it was like I had taken Prozac.  So, Gloria has decided to hide a six pack of diet cola and a pizza in the freezer for the next time I have withdrawals from pop and tasty food.  I should be embarrassed, but instead we are all laughing.  And to think, I was going to slap my sister for backing out of our little trip today.  Talk about a junkie! 

On a more serious note, a friend called me with a scripture read at church Sunday, Ezekiel 30: 20-22  It is something to ponder.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

What a sunrise!

This morning I woke up to the most beautiful sunrise.  At 6 a.m. I went outside to take a picture in this very cold weather.  The photo is beautiful in my camera... but my brain isn't working so that I can get it onto this new laptop.  Maybe tomorrow.  Bright mandarin orange, with silver tip snow clouds coming into view above the sunrise. 

Then I spent the early morning making up my broccoli drink, and a protien drink for the next three days.  My tongue is still sore from chemo week, and trying to keep carbs out of my diet so that my glucose will lower... so, drinks for now.  Tomorrow I go into the doctor (actually two doctors) and hopfully will have medicine adjusted again so that it won't be so difficult.  I have three pairs of glasses that I am rotating so that I can see, and sometimes two pair at once.  What a picture, I remind myself of my mother.  I am so glad I did not tell her how funny she looked.  We siblings talked about mom and her glasses, but we didn't actually tell her personally. 

Today was another sewing group meeting that I missed.  With my being up and down all day, fuzzy headed and blurry sight there is no way I could make it in to be with them.  Actually, since this last chemo I have been finding it overwhelming to stay up and chat on the phone.  Can you imagine... Marie at a loss for words?  With the computer I can type, lay down, get up and type again.  It may take all day, but until I shut down the words are there and I don't have to keep trying to focus on my thoughts from five minutes before.  This is only day four since chemo ended, and it is better than yesterday.  I will not give up.  Each day there is something to be grateful for if you look for it. 

Found a cute sign:  LORD help my words to be tender and gracious today, for tomorrow I may have to eat them. 

Monday, January 10, 2011

What a week... beginning January 3rd

Spent this past week in Kennewick for chemo.  Seeing both my son and daughter during this time was an added bonus, and the beginning of a happy new year.  It isn't often that schedules and finances (due to my friend/ex) allow all of us to be together, at the same time.  So... this was nice!  Thank you Jr.

If the beginning of the week is any indication to how 2011 is going to be... can we have a "do over" for this year?  It was cold Monday morning driving over to Kennewick, maybe one degree, probably not.  Figuring I would get gas in Othello, a small town along the way, it wasn't too much of a worry for my gas tank to be low.  Well, as I approached what I thought should have been the little town... it was very dark and I almost missed the turn.  There was a power outage, and I guess you know what that does to gas stations/pumps.  It was erie driving by myself through the town in total dark.  I was getting nervous, as I did not have enough gas to continue on.  When I crested the main street, I could see lights in the distance.  Yes!  Well, the power must have been low as it took me a long time to pump $25.00 in gas.

My intention was to go in early as the first of the month, year, new registration and paperwork... I wanted to be in front of the line.  I arrived, with a lot of other people, and only one clerk to register!  Much later, late for my blood draw I rushed to the lab.  As it was late, and there was also a line at the lab, the nurse was rushing.  Yes... you guessed it, she called me back as I jumped out of the chair and began to rush upstairs to the oncologist office.  She put my blood in the wrong vials and had to do it again.  I got up to the oncologist office hoping that my appointment had not been given away and ran into another "catch up" line due to the back up in registration.  Finally, finished with the oncologist visit, I made it to sign in for chemo.  After arriving started hearing the beeps, rushing footsteps, etc.  Uh huh, there were staff off due to the new years holiday and chemo was short staffed too.  The nurse I had was very nice, more than willing, but she was just learning the chemo routine.  I arrived at the hospital before 8:00 a.m. and left about 7:00 p.m.  What a day!  Again, I have to say that because of how wonderful everyone was, it was tolerable. 

Now, the week is over and my second chemo session is over.  Five days with chemo, and the sixth day having the Neulasta shot.  Again, there were changes to my medication.  My primary care doctor has decided that during this six months of chemo I will need to change to insulin.  The Metformin is too hard on my kidney, resulting in mild kidney failure.  The Glipizide isn't controlling the glucose close enough, I have been in the 400's!  Needless to say with that, it also causes issues with my blood pressure as well as everything else.  Most of all, my vision is blurry all of the time.  Trying to see to read, do computer work, or anything that requires visual is difficult.  The oncologist took my Thursday Rituxin away.  Evidentally is is hard on the kidney too, but found that having it on Monday will last throughout the week and really doesn't do me any better a second time during the week.   I am still stuck with the rest of the chemicals. 

It hasn't been too bad, I always think of what this time could be like and feel blessed that it is not.  During this week the steroids bothered me more than usual, I am really lethargic this go around yet sleep was and still is an effort.  I am easily overwhelmed and cloudy in thought, but the good news is that I don't have hives!  That is exciting. 

Now, I have another prayer request.  My grandaughter has a friend, (I will call her "A") about 16 yrs old, who just discovered she has cancer.  The cancer is in her neck, it is a lymphoma too.  She has a mass around a vital blood flow, so no surgery.  School will have to be from home, her last cheerleading routine was the other night, chemo is to begin, and another life is turned upside down.  Thank you for prayers in her direction too.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Usher in the New Year with hope and joy...

Happy New Year's...

We did it!  Left 2010 behind, and I am praying for a better year in 2011. 

Gloria, Allen and I spent the past few days in Battle Ground with my neice and her family.  It was a nice visit, and an added bonus for the travel there and back... no snow!  Although sometime ask Allen and I about Gloria's abrupt stops along the road, and I mean abrupt.  We were laughing so hard, and no rest stop facilities... uh oh. 

My blood pressure and diabetic medication had been adjusted prior to our trip, a phone call to the doctor to tell him "it wasn't working" and another adjustment.  Well, I called again to let him know my numbers were still high and got a ho-hum response.  So, I guess I am not supposed to worry about 300 give or take blood glucose and blood pressure averaging 160/98... again sometimes more, seldom less.  It is a good thing we were in Battle Ground and I was not able to schedule a quick appointment with my primary doctor.  Since that last phone call, I have continued to work on my "patience" and am better to meet with him on my Tuesday afternoon appointment.  Maybe I am wrong... maybe I am nuerotic?  I may have been a "little" terse on the phone, as I did tell the nurse that I hoped I would receive an apology when the doctor found that I was not lying about my numbers (as that is the feeling I got).  So, with that outburst in mind,  I continue to work on my 2010 work in progress, patience for myself, and apologies for those who have had the misfortune of talking with me during one of those moments.

The doctor taking me off of Allpurinol as part of my chemo is great!  Since I have not had hives since stopping, I have to think that medication was the reason.  Part of the adverse speech the pharmacist gives is that hives can be a reaction.  I am hoping that it is not coincidence, and that they are going to come back.  Just try sleeping thru the night when you have hives, and have had to drink "a lot" of water during the day.  Ear plugs become a necessity in this house as the water flows through the pipes all night long!  Not to mention lack of sleep causes my attitude to have issues with the work in progress, patience.

I have a nice belated Christmas gift coming!  This chemo week, both of my children will be in the same town.  Tina is flying up on Thursday.  It is always so nice to see both of them at the same time.
Ah ha... I now can enjoy my "short" status... it's an excuse!