I continue to think about this subject. Unforgiveness is one of the major hindrances that can hinder your healing. Listen to what Jesus says in Mark 11:25-26. "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and [let it drop](leave it, let it go), in order that your Father who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings." Happy New Year 2011, I still think this an important message! A quote by Author: Tami Hoag 2007... What purpose does it serve to hold that anger? What good does it do? Hatred is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die of it."

An Opinion... Isn't it amazing that almost everyone has an opinion to offer about the bible (as well as other subjects), and yet so few have studied it (or the subject)? R. C. Sproul, If only one would read before speaking, they would not look so foolish. Yet, I don't want to get in anyone's face... so I keep dropping hints. Does it help? I hope so...)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

This month has been a challenge to remaining "perky"

Hi everyone!  Well, I am about ready for my second round of the chemo coctail that includes Treanda.  Monday, 04/25 I "get" to do it... not "got" to do it.  I am blessed to be able to have the coverage to allow me this service.

This month has been a low key month.  Seems that I cannot keep focused, and my bones ache!  With that and my persistent cough, I have been taking a lot of naps.  I have never been a nap taker, I am more of a person who has to show production for time used.  The bone pain is from the Neulasta shot I receive at the end of each chemo.  And, I guess some of my foggy brain is from pain medication.  Either way, stop, enough!  I would like to read a book page by page again.  Seems like I have to keep going back and re-reading.  So, I am back to taking notes when I read to refer to.  I get my money worth out of the book, that's good.

One thing, my prescription insurance reached its donut hole much sooner than I thought it would for this year.  Half way into May, I am on my own until I have paid out $4,500.00!  That will take until the first of October, when the insurance will begin paying again.  The largest rise in medicines has been due to my diabetes.  During chemo, and within my asthma medications, I have steroids.  That is what has caused my numbers to peak and valley, using much more diabetic supplies and medicine.  What to do... besides on my way home from the doctor on Monday when I realized it.  Panic!  My son and daughter are ready to commit me when I finished off a text to them with..."next year how do I pay rent and donut hole at the same time?  Guess I'll stand on a street corner, skirt hiked up as I lean seductively against my walker and gain attention next to the senior high rise."  I was just kidding guys!  Gotta have a little humor.  Besides the quarters thrown my way won't go far in this rising economy...  Smile!

Don't think that chemo is keeping me down as much as a combination of it, allergy season, asthma kicking in and all of this affects my glucose numbers.  The doctor has me on two long term N insulin shots each day,  and three short term R insulin shots each day.  That in itself is taking some getting used to .

I seem to be losing more hair lately, thankfully I have thick hair!  I am feeling an unpleasant feeling at the base of each hair.  So, I comb carefully... wash and finger comb a lot.  Sure hoping that it doesn't all go, but just incase I did order a hat.  One never knows.  I don't really care, but I do not want to become an attraction either. 

I have located an apartment back in Kennewick.  I cannot put my application in until my birthday, 08/27.  I will be 62 then.  Now comes the struggle with paying the donut hole and saving enough to move.  And, I really want to see my daughter in CA.  Okay, I won't be greedy... but pray for a financial miracle to help me live closer to the doctor, hospital, treatment center, etc.  The long drives are tolerable, but not when you are really feeling awful and want to get there quick.  I am thinking positive, and feel that all will come together as I need it.

In the meantime, I am thankful for the many things I am blessed with.  They may be small or large, a glimpse of something nice, love of those around you, or a friends call, the fact that my car is still running, and I can fill the gas tank... all of it (and more) are blessings.

Easter is coming up this weekend.  My wish is that all of you have a wonderful day with family and friends.
Love, Marie

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

It has been a long time since last posting...

Hi, I hope that this finds everyone well and enjoying the sunshine that is out!

This past month has been difficult to accomplish "anything" due to a series of walls that I keep walking into. 

I began with starting the new drug, Treanda, during chemo this month.  I am not sure whether it was the Treanda or the Neulasta shot finally catching up with me, but... I was one out of sorts puppy for a while.  The doctor had previously prescribed Oxycodon, and it was good to have it on hand.  Hurt... oh yeah.  Then, my thoughts, focus, energy all went by the wayside.  I have been trying to get myself back into a normal routine.

With the stress on my body, and the steroids from chemo and my asthma inhaler, the glucose numbers I register are high!  I go up one unit each a.m./p.m. along with diet and exercise until it reaches some control.  So far I am up to 52 units a.m. and 52 units p.m.  I have been told that once I complete chemo my system will level out a bit.  I am struggeling with weight.  I have been told this is normal with the diabetes bouncing around, and the high amounts of insulin.  Since I have only completed one chemo with the new drug, I have five more to go.  That doesn't include the months I have just completed with the other drug. 

I have to pat myself on my back that I was able to focus enough pay bills, balance my checkbook, figure IRS, etc. this month.  Oh, want to hear something?  I did not have my Social Security Statement (proof of income) for this year.  I went online and requested a Proof of Income letter.  I was told that I would receive it within ten days.  Then, I receive online, "In light of the current budget situation, we have suspended issuing Social Security Statements.  You may be able to estimate your retirement benefit...."  Unbelievable!

Day by day I am doing better... the only problem is that chemo is coming up again on the 25th!  Ugh.....  I am not used to going slow, not doing what I want physically, multi tasking, etc.  This slowing down is emotionally painful!  Ha ha.

Have a great week, enjoy the sunshine, be thankful for what you can do... and focus less on what you no longer can do.  Focusing on the loss makes one angry, I don't have time for anger... I am looking for joy!