I continue to think about this subject. Unforgiveness is one of the major hindrances that can hinder your healing. Listen to what Jesus says in Mark 11:25-26. "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and [let it drop](leave it, let it go), in order that your Father who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings." Happy New Year 2011, I still think this an important message! A quote by Author: Tami Hoag 2007... What purpose does it serve to hold that anger? What good does it do? Hatred is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die of it."

An Opinion... Isn't it amazing that almost everyone has an opinion to offer about the bible (as well as other subjects), and yet so few have studied it (or the subject)? R. C. Sproul, If only one would read before speaking, they would not look so foolish. Yet, I don't want to get in anyone's face... so I keep dropping hints. Does it help? I hope so...)

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Hello.... from year 2015 !!
Yes, I took a long break.  When my life became a bit settled and boring, I drifted away from this blog.  Well, I have some exciting news (below).  Since I began this journey in 2010, "a lot" has taken place in my life.  I have gone thru the normal ups and downs of daily life and health issues.  But I am not complaining... why?  Because I went thru all of those ups and downs, the alternative was not one I wanted.

I received the news of my diagnosis of CLL the day before my birthday in 2010.  Five years later, in 2015, I had an appointment with my oncologist the day before my birthday.  I received the news that I am in remission!!!

Oh sure, I still have my other medical issues... but, I don't dwell on them.  I am still blessed with the ability to go and do for myself.  People ask me how I can keep up my pace, when they see I am not feeling well.  My answer is that "I don't have time left on this earth to become negative over life's unfair tatics, become laid back and lose days to a pity party for myself. Think that I am the only one who is financially strapped, unable to do what I used to, etc.  I get up each morning and say thank you for my many blessings (rather than what I don't have), then focus on my list of TO DO's for the day.  I don't focus on how bad I feel, and try to use the day I have been given to its fullest."

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Trip to California planned...

It isn't too many days until my friend Junior, and I, leave for our trip to California.  Junior, as I have explained before, is my ex-husband of 24+ years, plus five years of going together before marriage.  We have remained good friends, and that has been a blessing for both of us as well as our two children.  Since we met in high school, and the 45th class reunion is on August 27, (my birthday) we are going together.  While in Santa Rosa at the reunion, we can also visit family who still lives there.  On the way back, we will stop in San Jose and visit our daughter and her family.  The trip will be quick, every minute filled with activity, and nice to know that I am able to enjoy the time away from medical "stuff".

When I get back, during the first part of September, I will have another CT scan.  Only this time the doctor wants to do from neck to hips.  Also, there will be an ultrasound on the mass that is attached to my thyroid.
The last ultrasound and invasive biopsy showed no cancer.  I am praying for the same results.  Even if it is not cancerous, the size may determine whether or not there will be surgery to remove the bulk.  Hopefully, this mass has not grown and I can go a while before another invasive procedure. 

I have to tell you I have found the coolest medical identification necklace. 

I have loaded my information onto this, and for me it was easy to do.  So... anyone can do it.  The price was not bad, about $50.00.  An extravagance for a simple necklace, but not for this one.  Also, how often are you seperated from the life saving aspirin you may need?  I bought a charm that I can wear around my neck that fits one aspirin.  After I ordered it, my sister brought home an even less expensive idea.  At the craft stores there are usually charms as well as beads.  She took an aspirin with her and found a heart locket that would fit the aspirin.  Perfect, inexpensive and ready to put on a ribbon or chain.  Easy access!  Note: for men there are charms other than heart lockets.

Good news... I have been accepted to move into the apartments I wanted.  I have to wait until my birthday to find out adjusted rent amount.  I will call from California on my birthday, and hopfully there will be an opening in September.  I have gone to the apartments and found the locations in the building I would like, but...  guess I will have to wait and see.  This apartment complex is for seniors (62 and older).  I have had acquaintances scrunch their face and ask me if it is really what I want to do.  I am looking at the glass half full here.  It is a small apartment, bedroom, livingroom, kitchen, bathroom.  I will put my ingenious space saving ideas to work here.  There will be an adjusted rent, so that I can eat, buy medicine and pay rent.  There will be no loud parties above, beside or behind my apartment.  There will be no families with small children.  I never minded the children, and their noises.  Those are to be expected!  What I minded was the lazy parents who screamed at their kids, rather than going to them and showing and telling them what they were doing wrong and showing them the right way.  The parents drove me nuts, shouting... then catching the children and wrenching one arm to haul them away.  I cannot do that again.  Besides, this apartment is walking distance to the hospital, both doctors, a pharmacy, grocery store, fast food restaurant, several mom and pop restaurants, coffee shop, park, city swimming pool, post office, etc.  I don't want to move again... so this will be perfect for me.  Also, just think.. I won't be making the long trip to my medical appointments in the heat of the summer or the cold/ice/snow during the winter. 

Dad:  Easy, easy there ya go... whoops, careful, watch the
tail... oops, yikes, get that tree outa there!  I feel dizzy!
Son:  Dad, go make some burgers or something!

Moving day is going to be interesting.  "If" my son or daughte-in-law have the day off of work... "if" my friend Junior has the day off work... "if" my daughter can come up from California... if, if, and if.  I did find that there is a group in the area called "Teen Challenge" who hire out to help with odd jobs as a fund raiser.  I will check on that.  As far as my sister (broken rib not healed well), brother-in-law still mending from his stroke/cancer, friends who have health issues or are older than I...  I  guess I will keep lookin. 

I have been slow in posting these past months, but should get better when I move.  The computer works so very slow here in Royal City, as well as my health and lack of patience.

  I am using all of that as an excuse, and hope to not have those excuses soon. 

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Are you an organ donor?

Already, it is August 2nd...

Another month has gone by!  The heat of summer is upon us! 

First of all, let me tell you of my Oncologist appointment yesterday, Monday, 08/01.  My GFR number, which tells me whether or not the right kidney is functioning properly was down.  Last month (June) the number was above >60, which is where the doctor wants it.  Also, my WBC (white blood cell) count was good.  This month (ending in July), one month without chemo, my GFR is down to 49, and the WBC count is not bad, but low enough for certain contributors to this count to either be low enough to be off the chart (not good), or high enough to be off the chart (not good).  The doctor cheerfully said, "not bad Marie, I have seen your numbers  much worse."  But, he also said... "how have you been enjoying the summer off of chemo? ...and, we'll go with another month without of chemo."  What!  I thought chemo was done, finished, kaput.  Next, he says that mid September I am going to have another contrast scan, which includes the entire torso.  He doesn't like doing the contrast scans as the chemicals additionally inhibit my kidney function.

On the bright side, my glucose numbers are remaining good .  Of course that has been dependent on my not being on chemo, as well as diet, insulin and chia seed.  Yes, I am still taking one teaspoon of chia seed before each meal and main snack.  That makes five times a day I take one teaspoon chia with a glass of water.  When I do not take the chia seed, my numbers go up.  I have been reducing my insulin intake daily by one unit a.m./p.m. making it 2 units each day.  I am down to 22 units in a.m. and 22 units in p.m.  Of course, if I have to begin chemo again, all of this will change.

My application for a senior, low income apartment was approved.  The apartment office manager said that I was not considered low low income, just low income.  The apartments are small, but it will put me back in Kennewick closer to the doctors.  The drive is tiresome, expensive, and when I don't feel well... long.  In fact, I got the feeling from listening to my doctor on Monday, he has been waiting for my move back to Kennewick to make treatment decisions.  He knows my money situation, and understands that each time he asks me to come into town what my costs end up being.  The doctor understands the stress of being long distance... time, money, living out of a suitcase, etc.  He does not want me under stress.  He even volunteered to call the apartment complex to ensure they know that I need an apartment that faces out and not into another apartment because of my claustrophobia.  Gloria (sister) looked up causes of my poor (but could be worse) numbers, and stress was a definate contributing factor!

I also talked to the business side of the hospital.  My insurance, Group Health, contracted with Medicare, has still not paid on any of my chemo treatments.  They date back to December, 2010!  I was assured that they would not cut off treatment, and would look into it themselves and let me know. 

This month I am going to California with my ex and friend Junior.  Since we met in high school, and came from the same home town, he offered to take me to the 45th class reunion.  An added plus is that we are still friends, both his and my families still live in Santa Rosa, and then we can stop and see our daughter and her family together in San Jose on the way home. 

Now, I am going to kick back for the rest of today, and begin a new project in the morning.  I am going to get up early, before the heat, and begin sanding and painting my bed frame before the move.  I still tire very easily, so it takes me a lot longer to accomplish what I did "before" cancer.  As long as I have something to tie around my head to stop the dripping sweat, a wet cloth around my neck, something to drink and somewhere to sit and pace myself... I am good to go. 

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Another day at the river, 07/03/11

My sister Annie, came up with her son from Santa
Rosa, CA.  We took them to the Columbia River. 
It was the Fourth of July week and wanted to do
something fun. 

The three sisters, together! Gloria, Annie, Marie

Annie and Brandon drove up for a quick visit.  It was so nice to see them.  We missed seeing Denny, Annie's oldest son.  I will be going down to CA for a reunion in late August, so will see him then.  During this visit, we also had at Gloria and Allen's, Mike's daughter Requel.  The best part was that all of us seemed to be in good health for a nice visit and outing.  I am the oldest, then Gloria and the baby is Annie. 

It is exciting that this month I have not had to spend time in chemo, and afterwards not feeling well.  I still have issues, but they are getting better as each day goes by.  My chemo brain is still here... I say and do things that I wish later I had not.  But... time heals that issue.  I also still have frustrating moments when attempting simple tasks that I have done many times before.  That is especially true with computer and technical issues. 

I am taking my nutrient supplements again.  I could not take any of those during chemo.  As the doctor said, I am not "out of the woods" yet, but downgraded to "watch and wait" before further treatment.  Basically, he is watching for growths.  Since CLL is slow growing, I am counting on a long time before new mass' grow.
Energy and desire to multi task is still in the healing process... wish it would get a move on!

The chia seed is still helping me with my diabetic numbers, so I am continuing with insulin in the morning and evening and not the three shots before each meal.  That is good.  But... summer is here and so difficult to maintain order on my diet.  I strive for 100%, but am pleased with myself when I can be sure to accomplish 75 - 90%.  Some days, I am really good and make 100%, while others I just have to have an extra bite of the tiny portion control of watermelon, or a spoon of ice cream, and my worst... popcorn.  It cannot be in the house, I have no control!  I have bought boxes of popcorn, and thrown away parts of it to put controls on myself.  No, not just throwing it into the garbage can... cutting it open and pouring out the contents.  When a craving hits, I am not above crawling into the dumpster.  I am, at heart, a carb junkie!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Wednesday, June 29...

Going to the Columbia River, at Vantage, WA yesterday.
Requel says... "Are we there yet?"

Looking at the river from where we are at...
It was a nice day, relaxing and nice to get out.  Glad that
I am feeling better and can enjoy outings again!


Oh look!  Grandma Gloria found pollywogs!  She was the
champion at catching them when we were kids.  The only reason
Grandma is in the water here is because this shallow area is warm!

Grandpa Allen back at the picnic site.  It is safer there for him...
 we women can be daring, or mean...  Face it, he is afraid of us
 getting him with the cold Columbia River water!  We couldn't
convince him we would never to that....

It is so good to feel good enough to go on outings!  I waded
in the water, yeah it was cold... but fun.  Except for when I
gracefully fell down, with my sweet sister behind me...
watching.  She says she grabbed my blouse, did I
hear a chuckle when she said that?  Hmmmmmmm

Hey buddy!  Are you checking out my legs?