Don't forget Father's Day!

Sunday... June 5, 2011

It is amazing how the time passes by so quickly.  Part of it is that since starting chemo, I have been in a daze.  It has been difficult for me to concentrate, let alone have the energy to complete any task put before me.  I know this is part of the process, I accept it, but do not like it.  I would much rather be the Type A personality, multi tasking and driving everyone nuts (around me) person that I have always been.  Working under pressure always put me into overdrive, now it overwhelms me.  But... that may be coming to an end soon!

I am not sure if the latest chemo cocktail was harder, or if the accumulation of all of the chemo's caught up with me.  The past few months I have had a lot of discomfort and being tired after my treatments.  As said in a prior post, I discussed a break in chemo with my Oncologist.  The insurance and Medicare may take that decision out of our hands.  After quite an approval process (from Medicare and my insurance), on June 13th I have another MRI/contrast dye scan.  If this scan does not show more improvement in my kidney, the remaining chemo which was previously approved will be declined.  Before beginning the new chemical (Treanda) a six month chemo was approved for the second cocktail, this is only the three month mark.  Even with the doctor explaining that the remaining three months is needed to show a result, approval probably will not take place.

The silver lining in the cloud is that without chemo, maybe I will begin to feel more like myself.  I am looking forward to having more energy, being alert, clearing the cobwebs, body aches gone, etc. etc.  The thought of being able to plan ahead, work on a sewing project or keeping what hair I have left is a positive thing.  For now, I am looking forward to this tradeoff. 

The tradeoff is the Watch & Wait plan, that is what my doctor calls it.  Does this mean no ill effects during this time?  No, some conditions continue.  I understand why the doctor recommends not to remove my right kidney.  In short, if the affected kidney is removed, the remaining kidney as to do the work of two.  Being a diabetic, it is a pretty sure bet that my remaining kidney would have issues on its own.  Compound that with the early onset stress and dialysis comes into view.  Also, removing the kidney only addresses that issue, the cancer continues within my bloodstream waiting for a new location to take over.

So, watch & wait, but this does not mean that I do nothing.  Gloria has been researching and referring to me many options I can help myself with.  During chemo many of my other health issues have become worse.  This is why I discussed stopping chemo with my doctor.  The cancer is not going to get me before my diabetes.  Glucose numbers have gone up into the 400's and droppig into the 100's.  Not only is this doing damage to vital organs, but emotional issues, and stress on my body is affecting blood pressure, etc. 

Just this week I discovered that "none" of my chemo treatments have been paid on by either insurance or medicare.  The amounts astonished me, approximately $37,000.00 each month for my chemo!  After discussions with the Billing Department of the hospital, it is obvious that I am a customer to the actual business, and a patient to the doctor treating me. 

My last visit to the Oncologist office, I watched as the patients came in.  I found myself being thankful that my issues were less than most; at least from what I viewed.  I do not take for granted being able to drive to my doctor appointment most of the time, have clear vision off and on, ability to have more than one thought at a time during parts of the month, energy enough to run the errands I have to, and have an appetite.  

"It is the quality not the quantity that matters."

(Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD)

It is a Happy Mother's Day

I am the mother, it is a Happy Mother's Day for me.  Both of my children were born a blessing to me, and they were probably two of the most joyful days of my life.  My daughter born on October 13, 1972 and my son on August 8, 1975.  Growing up they were both a joy and tiring, as well as happy and sad, perfect and not so perfect.  They were typical children with good days as well as bad, and I wouldn't wish that they were any other way.  Never a burden or regret, and always pleased they grew from infants into responsible adults.    When I think of Mother's Day, being a proud mom comes to mind.

Doctor visit, Thurs 05/05/11

The drive to Tri Cities (Kennewick) was nice!  Except for the blossoms of fruit trees, floral, etc.  Allergies don't just stay allergies with me, rather they prompt my asthma to kick in.  The sunny day is worth it, as well as the beauty of new growth and colors to view. 

During my Oncologist visit it was decided to do another MRI contrast scan two weeks after this coming chemo, May 23/24.  If this new Treanda cocktail has not helped the kidney, as the last (Fludarabine cocktail) did not, then the chemo treatment will be stopped.  Both the doctor and I discussed that the side effects have been burdensome so a break is in order, but Medicare/Insurance will not pay for non-progress either.  He has to justify every three months to be able to continue the chemo therapy, and what it has and has not accomplished.  So... the doctor and my decision will be moote, if the remaining chemo is denied due to lack of improvement.  Some good news... the kidney function numbers are up this month.  Not normal, but up!

Remember the Chia seed?  It is working to keep my blood sugar down.  I have still not begun the extra three shots of insulin a day.  My numbers show I don't need it, but I do have to advise the doctor.  My 14 day glucose average is 132 now.  And... that was while I was learning to use the Chia.  (One teaspoon dry down before each meal or snack, with a cup of water.) The next 14 day average should be less. I am kind of afraid of the doctor reaction.  Anyway, I am going to print off educational information on Chia for the doctor.  Also, I am still not taking Prevacid!  Less money out during the month... with not taking three shots of insulin, using needles, and Prevacid.  What a better time to save than when in the pharmacy donut hole.  Another help for my glucose will be not taking the steroids during chemo. 

Okay, my hair is still thinning.  I am so glad that I inherited very thick hair.  It still looks like I have a full head of hair, just limp and thinner.  That is okay... not going to have it cut at a shop for a while.  The last lady was really uncomfortable with her hands full of hair she had not cut.  So, I will have Gloria trim me... not using the Flowbee.  I am afraid the vacuum device will suck the rest out at this time.  Ha ha.  Also, not coloring it and letting it grow out because of the chemicals.  The color is not that much difference, except for the gray hair.  There is a lot more gray hair since chemo started.  Oh well, rather gray than none. 

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd "dye".

Hi... I am back, again... 05/01/11

Hi everyone!  It seems I have been longer and longer between posts.  The last months of chemo have not been pleasant.  It seems that my focus, concentration, comprehention, etc. is off kilter.  I think I am going to be up more than down today, so I am going to try and get a hello and update posted.

First off, I want to give credit to what is keeping me pushing along.  It is my faith in God.  Not everyone has that in their life. For me, I don't know what I would do without it.  Faith gives me the ability to look for positive when negative is closing in, it is a 24/7 pipeline to prayer (discussion with God, questioning why, giving thanks, asking for help, guidance, etc.).  There is so much more, but you get the message.  Right now, faith is my lifeline.

Well, I am losing more hair.  It isn't coming out in clumps, just thinning rapidly.  This week when I go into the doctor, think my sister and I will get some of the temporary henna tattoo.  When I am bald, we will play.  Probably have to cover up my head more from the henna tattoo than the bald head.  Oh well, we will have some fun.

My diabetes is worse.  It is the steroids with chemo, asthma medication, and body change.  The doctor recently put me on additional insulin shots.  When I left the doctor office, the thought of five shots a day, plus six-plus tests a day was not something I was looking forward to.  Gloria (sister) had been reading on Chia seeds.  We went to the health food store and bought a package to experiment with.  I am going to do some research on it and post it, but in the mean time suffice it to say the seeds help with glucose levels!  Also, I have been on Prevacid for a long time due to stomach issues.  Since beginning Chia seed I haven't had to use Prevacid!  Normally, two days max and I am hurting.  It has been since 04/18, no Prevacid, no pain.  I have not yet begun the extra three insulin shots prescribed on 04/18.  The R (regular) insulin was to be taken before each meal to deter the spikes and valleys.  Blood pressure doing well... Chia is supposed to enhance blood pressure medication.  Keeping a close eye on all conditions, in case too much of a good thing isn't really that good. Taking one teaspoon of "dry" Chia seed before each meal, with a glass of water has done wonders with my glucose and stomach.  I still take 50 units of N (longer acting) insulin in the a.m. and p.m.  There is a lot of helpful information on the internet about Chia seeds.  Another thing I am researching is Ionized (alkaline) water.  I have recently read that it is important to keep your body more alkaline than acid.  I think everybody knew this but me.  Anyway, I am reading on this too.  There are so many health issues that can be traced to acidosis.  Alkalizing my body with the correct water, and taking Chia seeds is not costly, nor radical actions, compared to the outcome.  I will let you know how it goes.

This is going to be a week to push myself.  After the trip out of town to the doctor later this week, we are going to have a yard sale.   The economy being down, so are yard sale prices.  Hope that I make enough to make it worth the time.  It will help me scale down my "stuff" and that is good too. 

Have a great Mother's Day!

This month has been a challenge to remaining "perky"

Hi everyone!  Well, I am about ready for my second round of the chemo coctail that includes Treanda.  Monday, 04/25 I "get" to do it... not "got" to do it.  I am blessed to be able to have the coverage to allow me this service.

This month has been a low key month.  Seems that I cannot keep focused, and my bones ache!  With that and my persistent cough, I have been taking a lot of naps.  I have never been a nap taker, I am more of a person who has to show production for time used.  The bone pain is from the Neulasta shot I receive at the end of each chemo.  And, I guess some of my foggy brain is from pain medication.  Either way, stop, enough!  I would like to read a book page by page again.  Seems like I have to keep going back and re-reading.  So, I am back to taking notes when I read to refer to.  I get my money worth out of the book, that's good.

One thing, my prescription insurance reached its donut hole much sooner than I thought it would for this year.  Half way into May, I am on my own until I have paid out $4,500.00!  That will take until the first of October, when the insurance will begin paying again.  The largest rise in medicines has been due to my diabetes.  During chemo, and within my asthma medications, I have steroids.  That is what has caused my numbers to peak and valley, using much more diabetic supplies and medicine.  What to do... besides on my way home from the doctor on Monday when I realized it.  Panic!  My son and daughter are ready to commit me when I finished off a text to them with..."next year how do I pay rent and donut hole at the same time?  Guess I'll stand on a street corner, skirt hiked up as I lean seductively against my walker and gain attention next to the senior high rise."  I was just kidding guys!  Gotta have a little humor.  Besides the quarters thrown my way won't go far in this rising economy...  Smile!

Don't think that chemo is keeping me down as much as a combination of it, allergy season, asthma kicking in and all of this affects my glucose numbers.  The doctor has me on two long term N insulin shots each day,  and three short term R insulin shots each day.  That in itself is taking some getting used to .

I seem to be losing more hair lately, thankfully I have thick hair!  I am feeling an unpleasant feeling at the base of each hair.  So, I comb carefully... wash and finger comb a lot.  Sure hoping that it doesn't all go, but just incase I did order a hat.  One never knows.  I don't really care, but I do not want to become an attraction either. 

I have located an apartment back in Kennewick.  I cannot put my application in until my birthday, 08/27.  I will be 62 then.  Now comes the struggle with paying the donut hole and saving enough to move.  And, I really want to see my daughter in CA.  Okay, I won't be greedy... but pray for a financial miracle to help me live closer to the doctor, hospital, treatment center, etc.  The long drives are tolerable, but not when you are really feeling awful and want to get there quick.  I am thinking positive, and feel that all will come together as I need it.

In the meantime, I am thankful for the many things I am blessed with.  They may be small or large, a glimpse of something nice, love of those around you, or a friends call, the fact that my car is still running, and I can fill the gas tank... all of it (and more) are blessings.

Easter is coming up this weekend.  My wish is that all of you have a wonderful day with family and friends.
Love, Marie

It has been a long time since last posting...

Hi, I hope that this finds everyone well and enjoying the sunshine that is out!

This past month has been difficult to accomplish "anything" due to a series of walls that I keep walking into. 

I began with starting the new drug, Treanda, during chemo this month.  I am not sure whether it was the Treanda or the Neulasta shot finally catching up with me, but... I was one out of sorts puppy for a while.  The doctor had previously prescribed Oxycodon, and it was good to have it on hand.  Hurt... oh yeah.  Then, my thoughts, focus, energy all went by the wayside.  I have been trying to get myself back into a normal routine.

With the stress on my body, and the steroids from chemo and my asthma inhaler, the glucose numbers I register are high!  I go up one unit each a.m./p.m. along with diet and exercise until it reaches some control.  So far I am up to 52 units a.m. and 52 units p.m.  I have been told that once I complete chemo my system will level out a bit.  I am struggeling with weight.  I have been told this is normal with the diabetes bouncing around, and the high amounts of insulin.  Since I have only completed one chemo with the new drug, I have five more to go.  That doesn't include the months I have just completed with the other drug. 

I have to pat myself on my back that I was able to focus enough pay bills, balance my checkbook, figure IRS, etc. this month.  Oh, want to hear something?  I did not have my Social Security Statement (proof of income) for this year.  I went online and requested a Proof of Income letter.  I was told that I would receive it within ten days.  Then, I receive online, "In light of the current budget situation, we have suspended issuing Social Security Statements.  You may be able to estimate your retirement benefit...."  Unbelievable!

Day by day I am doing better... the only problem is that chemo is coming up again on the 25th!  Ugh.....  I am not used to going slow, not doing what I want physically, multi tasking, etc.  This slowing down is emotionally painful!  Ha ha.

Have a great week, enjoy the sunshine, be thankful for what you can do... and focus less on what you no longer can do.  Focusing on the loss makes one angry, I don't have time for anger... I am looking for joy!